Before you start making plans for the upcoming summer holidays, take a minute to stop and think how do you actually survive a 10-day vacation with the kids? Here’s a hilarious account of just what might happen. Happy holidays everyone!
Day 1
9:00 Check suitcase one final time.
9:01 Pull kid out of suitcase. Remind him that it’s not a hiding place.
11:00 Ignore jealous looks from other passengers when families with infants board plane first.
11:15 Ignore smug looks from other passengers when infant screams during take-off.
11:20 Pacify child who asks “Are we there yet?” five minutes after take-off.
15:00 Land at holiday destination. Consider flying straight back.
Day 2
Eat breakfast, swim, rent bicycles, jump on trampolines, go on a nature trail, join kiddies’ club and watch a late-night movie.
Day 3
Repeat all of Day 2.
Day 4
Collapse at breakfast.
Day 5
Bribe staff at kiddies’ club to stay open all day and night.
Day 6
Feel guilty about Day 5 so swim, cycle, bounce, trek, play and watch a movie together.
Day 7
Bribe kiddies’ club staff again. Go shopping. Feel guilty. Buy water guns for the pool.
Day 8
Go swimming. Confiscate water guns. See doctor to flush out blocked ears.
Day 9
Leave kids with random strangers. Drink body weight in cocktails.
Day 10
9:00 As it’s the final day, insist on a little family time by the pool.
9:05 Children say they are bored.
11:00 Arrive at airport. Kids say they want to go swimming again.
17:00 Arrive home exhausted.
17:01 Call grandparents. Ask if they fancy a free holiday with their grandkids.
By Neil Humphreys, Young Parents, November 2014