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I need a holiday!

Before you start making plans for the upcoming summer holidays, take a minute to stop and think how do you actually survive a 10-day vacation with the kids? Here’s a hilarious account of just what might happen. Happy holidays everyone!


Day 1

9:00 Check suitcase one final time.

9:01 Pull kid out of suitcase. Remind him that it’s not a hiding place.

11:00 Ignore jealous looks from other passengers when families with infants board plane first.

11:15 Ignore smug looks from other passengers when infant screams during take-off.

11:20 Pacify child who asks “Are we there yet?” five minutes after take-off.

15:00 Land at holiday destination. Consider flying straight back.

Day 2

Eat breakfast, swim, rent bicycles, jump on trampolines, go on a nature trail, join kiddies’ club and watch a late-night movie.

Day 3

Repeat all of Day 2.

Day 4

Collapse at breakfast.

Day 5

Bribe staff at kiddies’ club to stay open all day and night.

Day 6

Feel guilty about Day 5 so swim, cycle, bounce, trek, play and watch a movie together.

Day 7

Bribe kiddies’ club staff again. Go shopping. Feel guilty. Buy water guns for the pool.

Day 8

Go swimming. Confiscate water guns. See doctor to flush out blocked ears.

Day 9

Leave kids with random strangers. Drink body weight in cocktails.

Day 10

9:00 As it’s the final day, insist on a little family time by the pool.

9:05 Children say they are bored.

11:00 Arrive at airport. Kids say they want to go swimming again.

17:00 Arrive home exhausted.

17:01 Call grandparents. Ask if they fancy a free holiday with their grandkids.


By Neil Humphreys, Young Parents, November 2014

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